Dear Imogen,
by OhThatGirlLeila
Summary: One Shot. Have you ever missed or loved someone that you can't have because of fear; Because you are running away from what your heart wants? Fiona writes her letter to Imogen, fifteen years later.


**One shot Imogen and Fiona**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi, or these characters. Just this story line.**

**Thanks and Please Enjoy.**

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_Dear Imogen _

_How can I begin this letter when after fifteen years I still can't come close to telling you how sorry I am for leaving you? I know you probably still hate me Imogen, for what I've done to you and all of the empty promises I've made in the past. And I know that my writing this letter is probably opening up closed wounds, but I've lived this life in regret and pain because I can't forget. I don't think I'll ever forget. _Not a _day goes by that I don't think about your dark hair, full pink lips, the delicious sway of your hips, the color of your mesmerizing eyes, and best of all your beautiful mind and heart. _

_I'm not trying to make this as one of those letters, but when I'm talking to you I can't help but to say what I actually mean and know that you won't judge me. I don't think you ever judged anyone. I wouldn't believe it. _

_My life has been… well it's been. Does that make any sense? Can you believe it? A very successful interior decorator's life has been just there. Yea I did it. I went off to NYC like we talked about and double majored in Art and fashion. I also graduated with high honors. I, Fiona Coyne, graduated with honors. Even I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one. Then afterwards, Mom got me an internship for Waldo Fernandez. THE Waldo Fernandez. Working along besides him opened me up to a beautiful world of design and even though it was hard work, it gave me life, like home. Then that's when I met my husband. My mother loved him at first sight. My dad practically pushed us into marriage although James, my husband, didn't too much care. He loves me, way more than I deserve. He's a wonderful father to our twin girls. They're five now, Sara and Chloe. So beautiful and full of life it hurts my heart. That's why I'm writing this letter. _

_Imogen, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. Well, if I'm being honest the answer is yes. I'm surrounded by a sea of people daily but I still feel alone. I have no one to be honest with; no one I can talk to, and know I won't be judged, besides you. That's why I'm writing this letter, I need to get this off of my chest. Everyone put me on this high pedestal, besides Declan. He knows, god he knows, everything I did to you, everything I've said to break your heart, and he judges. It's been fifteen long years and although he doesn't say anything anymore I still see that he judges. He calls me Mom and Dad's pet. There's a reason why. I couldn't tell you this before Imogen, it's hard to even be thinking of this now but you are entitled to know._

_Can you imagine leaving the love of your life because your parents frowned heavily upon it, and you did absolutely nothing because of the fear of being poor seemed big to your teenaged mind? That's why I left. I was afraid. No, I WAS TERRIFIED. All I knew was wealth growing up. I didn't know how to survive without it. I didn't know how I was going to make it without my parent's money. That's not all. I was also terrified of us. I wondered if our relationship would ever be taken seriously in the real world. I mean we were two women in love, living in a man's world. I didn't want to put you through that. Life outside of Degrassi isn't daises and sunshine, I was terrified of society. So when they made that offer I took it and ran, without even giving it a second thought. But it's all I ever think about now. It's all I seem to think about now. Call me spineless, I deserve it, call me a heartless bitch. I'll be whatever you call me Imogen. I'll be whatever you want because you are all I think about. You are all I'll ever want._

_It's quite funny actually, in a fuck life kind of way. I ran from a life that gave me hope for the future. For that short time with you I felt like a conqueror. Like with your love I can be ME. Just me. Would you believe me if I say that I hate my life. I HATE my life. I'm nothing but a waste of existence. _

_I know, I know. Dramatic Much?_

_But it's true. It's I hate my life so much Imogen, it's quite sad to me too. If I was on the outside looking in I would want to pity me. But I don't deserve pity. I deserve rejection; I deserve everything tragic life throws at me. _

_When I'm walking down the busy New York streets, I sometimes think of death. It's pitiful, I know, and I already know what you're thinking. "How can you think about dying? What about your children Fiona?!" Well this is going to make me sound even more like scum on the earth but they deserve a mother better than me, just as James deserves a better wife._

_What kind of person does that makes me Imogen? For fucks sake sometimes I HATE MY OWN CHILDREN, I HATE MY HUSBAND. I love them because they are mine, I carried them for 9 months, shouldn't that mean something? Anything? And my husband we've been married for seven years and I never once cheated. Or am I still the piece of scum I know I am? Every day I look at them as if it's their fault I'm stuck in this life. I'm stuck in this piece of shit existence. _

_Am I a bad person? Really Iomgen, you can be honest with me. I'll believe anything you say. I will do anything you tell me. Is that an obsession? Do I sound obsessed? Because I honestly don't care. I sometimes pray for a time machine. So I can go back and tell my parents to fuck off and let me live my life._

_I also dream. About what our lives would be like now. In my dreams we're always together. I never want to think we're apart. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy because I talk to the dream you when I'm alone. We have a beautiful home in Toronto, sometimes New York, with our newly adopted son. He's a handful but we're happy and we love him. We're also thinking of having a daughter. I keep telling you maybe it'd be too soon but you have faith in us. You always have faith in us. I'm still a decorator, but I'm making it on my own and I must say I've got some pretty good clients. But you have the best job ever; you're an up and coming wedding planner. Everyone loves you and your work. I dreamt that for us countless of times, but then I always wake up._

_And I'm back to reality._

_Sometimes I just wish to see you, to know if you're alright, to know if you're happy, and to know if you're living. But I realized I lost that privileged when I told you I could never have a future with a woman, that my love for you is a phase that I'm over. I can never forget the hurt in your eyes when I spoke those harsh, untruthful words to you without any remorse, without any soul. But that was because you have my soul, you would always have my soul. Whether you've packed it up in a box in the attic of your heart it's still there, I'm never taking it back. It belongs to you. Maybe once I'm brave enough to succeed in my own demise I can return to you. But until then Imogen, my world, not a day goes by when I'm not in our dreamland. Its where I belong._

_With you, always with you._

_Love forevermore,_

_Fiona Coyne_

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_A/N:_** I hope you enjoyed this. This became an idea when i seen the previews for TOML. Which is bittersweet because I'm going to miss some of the charcters leaving the show this season. **

**Also I kinda enjoyed this. After writing I was thinking about making this a couple more chapters. You guys tell me what you think about that.**

**Thanks again for reading my first one shot btw. Love you guys. **

**-Whitney.**


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